Eleventh Step and Tranquility

November 5 - For many months after I came to Gamblers Anonymous, I paid little attention to the Eleventh Step, to the practice of serious meditation and prayer.  I felt that it might help me meet an emergency - such as a sudden craving to return to gambling - but it remained among the lowest levels on my list of priorities.  In those early days, I equated prayer and meditation with mystery and even hypocrisy.  I've since found that the result of prayer and meditation are more rewarding than I could have ever imagined.  For me today, the harvest is increasingly bountiful, and I continue to gain peace of mind and strength far beyond my human limitations.

Is my former pain being replaced by tranquility?

Today I Pray - May I find my own best way to God, my own best technique of meditation - whether I use an oriental mantra or the name of Jesus Christ, or just allow the spirit of God, as I understand Him, to settle into me and give me peace.  By whatever means I reach my God, may I learn to know Him well and feel His presence - not only in these quiet times, but in everything I do.

Today I Will Remember - Meditation is opening myself to the spirit of God.

Having a Human Experience

November 4 - In the words of Teilhard de Chardin, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience."  Even though we acknowledge in theory that we are spiritual beings, most compulsive gamblers had to experience some sort of spiritual awakening before we were willing to turn our lives over to a Higher Power.  It was then that we could finally say we were spiritual beings.  For some of us, it was as though we had experienced spirituality for the first time in our lives.  But, no matter what our spiritual base had been previously, once we discovered this new sense of spirituality, it became an experience and a feeling we wold not soon be willing to leave behind.

Am I grateful for the "awakening" that has put me in touch with my Higher Power - and with my own spiritual essence?

Today I Pray - May I not forget how my outlook toward life, myself, friends, loved ones, and God had deteriorated prior to coming to Gamblers Anonymous.  May I do whatever it takes to keep my spiritual life from hitting bottom again.  May I keep growing spiritually - a day at a time.

Today I Will Remember - Let my spirituality guide my humanity.

Find your Whole self

November 3 - The Gamblers Anonymous Red Book says: "The word spiritual can be said to describe those characteristics of the human mind that represent the highest and finest qualities, such as kindness, generosity, honesty, and humility.  Inasmuch as the Gamblers Anonymous Fellowship advocates consideration of these principles as a way of life, it is said that ours is a spiritual fellowship."  I have begun to understand that my spirituality has to do with my wholeness - the healthy congruency of truths, as I now perceive them, and my inner self.

Do I continue to strive for qualities that will bring me the greatest long-term happiness?

Today I Pray - May I work toward taking into myself those "highest and finest qualities" that define my spiritual being.  May I know the joys that come through living the GA way, until all life becomes a celebration shared especially with others who, like me, are trying to live up to these God-inspired principles.

Today I Will Remember - From spiritual holes to spiritual whole.

No situation in hopeless when in Gamblers Anonymous

September 8 - We are told that no situation is hopeless.  At first, of course, we find this hard to believe.  The opposites - hope and despair - are human emotional attitudes.  It is we who are hopeless, not the condition of our lives.  When we give up hope and become depressed, it's because we're unable, for now, to believe in the possibility of change for the better.

Can I accept this: "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed unless it's faced"?

Today I Pray - May I remember that, because I am human and can make choices, I am never "hopeless."  Only the situation I find myself in may seem hopeless, which may reduce me to a state of helpless depression as I see my choices being blocked off.  May I remember, too, that even when I see no solution, I can choose to ask God's help.

Today I Will Remember - I can choose not to be hopeless.

Find the bright side in gambling recovery

September 7 - "If you're not all right the way you are," it's been said, "it takes a lot of effort to get better.  Realize you're all right the way you are, and you'll get better naturally."  Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation so difficult that it seems insoluble.  The more we think about it, the more we get on our own backs for our imagined inadequacy to overcome the situation - and we sink into depression.  That's the moment to recall a single phrase, slogan, or bit of philosophy, saying it over and over until it replaces thoughts of the tormenting problem - which, in the final analysis will take care of itself.

Do I sometimes forget that the thorns have roses?

Today I Pray - May I see that God gives us patterns so that we can take comfort in opposites - day follows night; silence follows din; love follows loneliness; release follows suffering.  If I am ineffectual, may I realize it and try to do something constructive.  If I am insensitive, may my friends confront me into greater sensitivity.

Today I Will Remember - Clouds have linings.  Problems have endings.

Goal setting helps with depression - helps with recovery

September 6 - As practicing compulsive gamblers, we were all to familiar with depression, that pile-up of dark feelings that seemed to close over our heads at regular intervals.  Even now, when I am not making progress at the rate I expect I should be, when I expect a total turnaround in my spiritual self overnight, those familiar feelings of gloom can come calling on me again, if I hold the door open for them.

Do I recognize that my goals of perfection are directly related to my feeling of depression?  Do I admit that depression today, in my recover, is less debilitating and more within my power to change?

Today I Pray - When I am immobilized by depression, may I set small, reasonable goals - as miniature perhaps as saying hello to a child, washing my own coffee cup, neatening my desk, offering a short prayer.  May I scrap my own script for failure, which sets me up for deeper depression.

Today I Will Remember - Goals set too high set me back.

Set attainable goals in recovery

September 5 - We're often told that compulsive gamblers are perfectionists, impatient about any shortcomings - especially our own.  We tend to set impossible goals for ourselves, struggling fiercely to reach our unattainable ideals.  Then of course - since no person could possibly meet the extremely high standards we demand of ourselves - we find ourselves falling short.  Discouragement and depression set in; we angrily punish ourselves for being less than superhuman.  The next time around, rather than setting more realistic goals, we set them even higher.  And we fall farther, then punish ourselves more severely.

Isn't it about time I stopped setting unattainable goals for myself, as well as for those around me?

Today I Pray - May God temper my own image of myself as a superperson.  May I settle for less than perfection from myself, as well as from others.  For only God is perfect, and I am limited by being human.

Today I Will Remember - I am not God; I am only human.

Find a Saner Way of Life

September 4 - Through I have prayed at various times in my life, I realized after several months in Gamblers Anonymous that I'd never really prayed properly.  I'd always tried to make deals with God, much like a foxhole atheist; I'd always pleaded, "Grand me my wishes," instead of "Thy will - not mine - be done."  The result was that I remained self-deceived and was thus incapable of receiving enough grace to restore me to a saner way of life.

Do I see that, in the past, when I prayed to God, I usually asked that two and two not make four?

Today I Pray - May I look back and review how I have prayed before, for specific solutions that I, from my earthly vantage, felt were best.  May I question, in the longer view of time, whether those solutions would have been right had God chosen to do things my way.  In retrospect, may I see that my please were not always so wise.  May I be content to trust God.

Today I Will Remember - God may not do it my way.

Step 11 keeps you growing in Gamblers Anonymous

September 3 - Sometimes, even when friends in and outside of the Gamblers Anonymous Program tell us how well we're doing, we know deep down that we're really not doing well enough.  We still have trouble handling life and facing reality on reality's terms.  We suspect, at those times, that there must be a serious flaw in our spiritual practice and development.  Chances are strong that our trouble lies in either the misunderstanding or neglect of Step Eleven - prayer, meditation, and the guidance of God.  The other Steps can keep most of us clean and functioning.  But Step Eleven can keep us growing - so long as we try had and work at it continuously.

Do I trust infinite God rather than my finite self?

Today I Pray - I pray for a deepening of my spiritual awareness, for a stronger faith in the Unseen, for a closer communion with my Higher Power.  May I realize that my growth in the GA Program depends on my spiritual development.  May I give over more of my trust to God's eternal wisdom.

Today I Will Remember - I will not give in or give up, but give over to the power of God. 

The next 24 hours

September 2 - When I wake up, I'll think quietly about the twenty-four hours ahead.  I'll ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be free from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives.  If I have to determine which of several courses to take, I'll ask God for inspiration, for an intuitive thought, or a decision.  Then I'll relax and take it easy, confident that all will be well.

Can I believe that, when I give up my "rights" of expectations, I'll know freedom?

Today I Pray - I praise God for being able to praise God, to choose the times when I will seek Him, to find my own words when I talk to Him, to address Him in the way that seems most right to me.  May I expect that He in turn must be free of my expectations, to affect my life as He sees fit.

Today I Will Remember - Who am I to try to tell God what to do?

Labor Day Monday Meeting still a go

Holidays can be hard for a gambler...

We encourage you to spend the day with family, not in a gambling mess!  Enjoy the sunshine, enjoy a BBQ, enjoy the people in your life who love you!  Stay Strong!  Meetings are still held on holidays - so please come and join your Gamblers Anonymous Family!

Fake it till you make it!

September 1 - The Gamblers Anonymous Red Book, in explaining Step Eleven, says "A conscious contact seems to start with daily prayer.  What is prayer?  To some it is a personal chat with their Higher Power.  So each of us can pray as we see fit."  If at first prayer seems difficult, you can "fake it until you make it." "In time you will grow to eagerly accept prayer and know the rewards it will give you...Prayer enlarges the ability to cope."

Have I accepted prayer and meditation as a part of my life?

Today I Pray - I praise my Higher Power for my freedom to find my own understanding of God.  May my life be God's, whether I think of Him as a Father whose hand and spirit I can tough with an upward reach of my own, or as a universal Spirit that I can merge with as the hard outlines of my "self" begin to melt, or as a core of Divine and absolute goodness inside myself.  May I know Him well, whether I find Him within me, without me, or in all things everywhere.

Today I Will Remember - I thank God, as I understand Him, for my understanding of Him.

Your past does not define you

August 20 - All of the Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural inclinations and desires; they puncture, squeeze, and finally deflate our egos.  When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than the Fifth, which suggests that we "admit to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."  Few Steps are harder to take, yes, but scarcely any other Step is as necessary to long-term freedom from gambling addiction.

Have I quit living by myself with the tormenting ghosts of yesterday?

Today I Pray - May God give me strength to face that great ego-pincher - Step Five.  May I not hesitate to call a trusted hearer of Firth Steps, set up a meeting, and share this Step.  By accepting responsibility for my behavior, and then sharing my account of it with one other, I am actually unburdening myself.

Today I Will Remember - My Fifth Step pain is also my liberation.

How does gamblers anonymous work?

August 19 - "How does the Gamblers Anonymous Program work?" newcomers sometimes ask.  The two answers I most often hear are "very well" and "slowly."  I'm appreciative of both answers, facetious as they may first sound, because my self-analyzing tends to be faulty.  Sometimes I've failed to share my defects with the right people; other times, I've confessed their defects, rather than my own; at still other times, my sharing of defects has been more in the nature of shrill complaints about problems.  The fact is that none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, and the confession of shortcomings that the Steps require.  But we eventually see that the GA Program really works.

Have I picked up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at my feet?

Today I Pray - May God keep me from laying out my defects by comparing them to someone else's.  We are, by nature, relativists and comparers, who think in terms of "worse than," "not quite as bad as," or "better than."  May I know that my faults are faults, whether or not they are "better than" others'.

Today I Will Remember - Shortcomings are shortcomings, even when they are "better than."

Don't fool yourself into gambling again

August 18 - As compulsive gamblers, self-delusion was intricately woven through almost all of what we thought and did.  We became experts at convincing ourselves, when necessary, that black was white, that wrong was right, or even that day was night.  Now that we're in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, our need for self-delusion is fading.  If I'm fooling myself these days, my sponsor can spot it quickly.  And, as he or she skillfully steers me away from my fantasies, I find that I'm less and less likely to defend myself against reality and unpleasant truths about myself.  Gradually, in the process, my pride, fear, and ignorance are losing their destructive power.

Do I firmly believe that a solitary self-appraisal wouldn't be nearly enough?

Today I Pray - May I understand that not only must I look to my Higher Power, but that I needed to trust my fellow members of the group in this Step of self-evaluation.  For we mirror each other in all our delusions and fantasies, and with these facing mirrors, we produce a depth of perspective that we could never come by alone.

Today I Will Remember - To see myself all around, I need a three way mirror - with reflections from God, my friends, and me.

Find the goodness in you

August 17 - The Fourth Step suggests we make a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory - not an immoral inventory of ourselves.  The Steps are guidelines to recovery, not whipping posts for self-flagellation.  Taking my inventory doesn't mean concentrating on my shortcomings until all the good is hidden from view.  By the same token, recognizing the good need not be an act of pride or conceit.  If I recognize my good qualities as God-given, I can take an inventory with true humility while experiencing satisfaction in what is pleasant, loving, and generous in me.

Will I try to believe, in Walt Whitman's words, "I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness..."

Today I Pray - When I find good things about myself, as I undertake this inner archaeological dig, may I give credit where it is due - to God, who is the giver of all good.  May I appreciate whatever is good about me with humility, as a gift from God.

Today I Will Remember - Goodness is a gift from God.

Take comfort in your positive qualities

August 16 - Inventory taking isn't always done in red ink.  It's a rare day when we haven't done something right.  As I uncover and face my shortcomings, my many good qualities will be revealed to me also, reminding me that they have the same reality as my faults.  Even when we've tried hard and failed, for instance, we can chalk that up as one of the greatest credits of all.  I'll try to appreciate my good qualities, because they not only offset the faults, but give me a foundation on which to grow.  It's just as self-deceptive to discount what's good in us as to justify what is not.

Can I take comfort in my positive qualities, accepting myself as a friend?

Today I Pray - If I find only defects when I look in that Fourth Step mirror, may I be sure that I am missing something - namely my good points.  Although my ultra-modesty may be approved socially, may I learn that it is just as dishonest as rationalizing away my faults.  Even an out-and-out failure, if examined from all sides, may turn up a plus along with the obvious minuses.

Today I Will Remember - To give myself, if not an A for effort, at least an average B minus.

Take Stock in your Future

August 15 - It's often said that you can't tell a book by its cover.  For many of us, our "covers" or surface records haven't looked all that bad; it seemed at first, that making an inventory would be "a breeze."  As we proceeded, we were dismayed to discover that our "covers" were relatively blemish-free only because we'd deeply buried our defects beneath layers of self-deception.  For that reason, self-searching can be a long-term process; it must go on for as long as we remain blind to the flaws that ambushed us into addiction and misery.

Will I try to face myself as I am, correcting whatever is keeping me from being the person I want to be?

Today I Pray - May God aid me in my soul-searching, because I have hidden many of my faults neatly from friends, family, and especially myself.  If I feel "more sinned against, than sinning," may I take it as a clue that I need to dig deeper for the real me.

Today I Will Remember - Taking stock of myself is buying stock in my future.

Find yourself in the middle of nowhere?

August 14 - Step Four enables me to see myself as I really am - my characteristics, motives, attitudes, and behaviors.  I'm taught in Gamblers Anonymous to search out my mistakes resolutely.  Where, for example, had I been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened?  I'm taught, also, that my deeply rooted habit of self-justification may tempt me to "explain away" each fault as I uncover it, blaming others for my own shortcomings.

Will I believe that personal honesty can achieve what superior knowledge often cannot?

Today I Pray - May I not make the Fourth Step a once-over-lightly, let's-get-it-over-with exercise in self-appraisal.  May I know that, once I take this Step, I must review it again many times until it becomes, like the other eleven, a way of life for me.  May I protect the value of my Fourth Step from my old habit of head-tripping and buckpassing my way out of responsibility.

Today I Will Remember - Personal honesty paves the way to recovery.

Don't run from your recovery

August 13 - The Gamblers Anonymous Program's Fourth Step suggests that we make a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.  For some of us, no challenge seems more formidable; there's nothing more difficult than facing ourselves as we really are.  We flee from one wrongdoing after another as they catch up with us, forever making excuses, pleading always that our virtues in other areas far outweigh our flaws.  Yet once we become willing to look squarely and self-searchingly at ourselves, we're then able to illuminate the dark and negative side of our natures with new vision, determination, and grace.

Am I willing to open my eyes and step out into the sunlight?

Today I Pray - May my Higher Power stop me in my tracks if I am running away from myself.  For I will never overcome my misdeeds, or the flaws in my character that brought them about, by letting them chase me.  May I slow down and turn to face them with the most trusty weapon I know - truth.

Today I Will Remember - I will not be a fugitive from myself.