How to stay clean from gambling

June 30 - I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that the trick, for me, is not stopping gambling, but staying stopped and learning how not to start again.  God knows, I tried to stop plenty of times, by lecturing myself on how it was affecting not only my life, but all aspects of my behavior.  Gambling was actually changing who I seemed to be.  To stay stopped, I've had to develop a positive, ongoing program of action.  I've had to learn to live free from addiction, cultivating new patterns, new interest, and new attitudes.

Am I remaining flexible in my new life?  Am I exercising my freedom to abandon limited objectives?

Today I Pray - I pray that my new life will be filled with new patterns, new friends, new activities, new ways of looking at things.  I need God's help to overhaul my lifestyle to include all the newness it must hold.  I also need a few ideas of my own.  May my independence from compulsive gambling help me make my choices with an open mind and a clear, appraising eye. 

Today I Will Remember - Stopping is starting.

Crossed paths and happenstance?

June 29 - Once we surrendered and came to the Gamblers Anonymous Program, many of us wondered what we would do with all that time on our hands.  All the hours we'd previously spent planning, hiding, alibiing, losing our shirts, borrowing, juggling accounts - and all the rest - threatened to turn into empty chunks of time that somehow had to be filled.  We needed new ways to use the energy previously absorbed by our addiction.  We soon realized that substituting a new and different activity is far easier than just stopping the old activity and putting nothing in its place.

Am I redirecting my mind and energy?

Today I Pray - I pray that, once free of the encumbrance of my addiction, I may turn to my Higher Power to discover for me how to fill my time constructively and creatively.  May that same Power that makes human paths cross and links certain people to specific situations, lead me along good new roads into good new places.

Today I Will Remember - Happenstance may be more than chance.

How is your life a miracle?

Feel free to comment anonymously and tell our readers how your life is a miracle since you've been free of gambling? 

Life is a miracle

June 28 - Almost daily, I hear of seeming mysterious coincidences in the lives of my friends in Gamblers Anonymous.  From time to time, I've experienced such "coincidences" myself:  showing up at the right place at exactly the right time; phoning a friend who, unbeknownst to me, desperately needed that particular phone call at the precise moment; hearing "my story" at an unfamiliar meeting in a strange town.  These days, I choose to believe that may of life's so-called "coincidences" are actually small miracles of God, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Am I continually grateful for the miracle of my recovery?

Today I Pray - May my awareness of a Higher Power working in our lives grow in sensitivity as I learn, each day, of "coincidences" that defy statistics, illnesses that reverse their prognoses, hairbreadth escapes that defy death, chance meetings that change the course of a life.  When the non-understandable happens, may I perceive it as just another of God's frequent miracles.  My own death-defying miracle is witness enough for me.

Today I Will Remember - My life is a miracle.

Don't put off change!

June 27 - Little by little, I'm getting over my tendency to procrastinate.  I always used to put things off til tomorrow, and, of course, they never got done.  Instead of "Do it now," my motto was "Tomorrow's another day."  When I was in action, I had grandiose plans; when I came down from my high, I was too busy getting over my depression to start anything.  I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that it's far better to make a mistake once in a while than to never do anything at all.

Am I learning to "do it now"?

Today I Pray - May God help me cure my habitual tardiness and "get me to the church on time."  May I free myself of the self-imposed chaos of lifelong procrastination: library books overdue, appointments half-missed, assignments turned in late, schedules unmet, meals half-cooked..  May I be sure if I, as a compulsive gambler, led a disordered life, I , as a recovering compulsive gambler, need order.  May God give me the serenity I need to restore order and organization to my daily living.

Today I Will Remember - I will not be put off by my dependency to put off.

Grow or deteriorate?

June 26 - How many of us would presume to announce, "Well, I'm on my way to licking the gambling habit.  What more can I want, or do:?  I'm fine just the way I am."  Experience has taught us that the price of such smug complacency - or, more politely, self-satisfaction - is an inevitable backslide, punctuated sooner or later by a very rude awakening.  We have to grow, or else we deteriorate.  For us, the status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow.  Change we must; we can't stand still.

Am I sometimes tempted to rest on my laurels?

Today I Pray - May I look around me and see that all living things are either growing or deteriorating; nothing that is alive is static  Life flows on.  May I be carried along on that life-flow, unafraid of change, disengaging myself from the snags along the way that hold me back and interrupt my progress.

Today I Will Remember - Living is changing. 

Free the Chains

June 25 - If I ever come to the complacent conclusion that I don't need the Gamblers Anonymous Program any longer, let me quickly remind myself that it can do far more than carry me through the anguish of living in the bondage of the addiction.  Let me further remind myself that I can make even greater strides in fulfilling myself, for the Program and the Twelve Steps is a philosophy - a way of life.

Will I ever outgrow my need for the GA Program?

Today I Pray - May my Higher Power lead me through the Twelve Steps, not just once, but again and again, until they become the guiding principles of my existence.  This is no quickie seminar on improving the quality of my life; this is my life, restored to me through Divine Power and the friendship of my fellow gamblers, who, like me, are recovering in the best known way.

Today I Will Remember - Step by Step, from bondage to abundant life.

Liberation from gambling is just the beginning!

June 24 - The primary purpose of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is freedom from compulsive gambling; without that freedom we have nothing.  But that doesn't mean I can say, for example, "Compulsive gambling is my only concern.  Except for that, I'm really a super person, so give me freedom from gambling, and I've got it made."  If I delude myself with such specious nonsense, I'll make so little progress with my real life problems and responsibilities that I'll likely return to my addiction.  That's why the Program's Twelfth Step urges us to "practice these principles in all our affairs."

Am I living just to be free of the compulsion to gamble, or also to learn, to serve, and to love?

Today I Pray - May I relish and be grateful for my abstinence, which is where all good things begin.  But let me not stop at that and give up trying to understand myself, the nature of God and of humanity.  Freedom from addiction is the first freedom.  May I be certain that there are more to come - freedom from tight-mindedness, from the unrest of bottled-up feelings, from over dependence on others, from a Godless existence.  May the Program which answered my acute needs also answer my chronic ones.

Today I Will Remember - Liberation from gambling is just a beginning.

Don't become complacent in recovery

June 23 - Complacency is my enemy, easy to recognize in others, but difficult to identify and accept in myself.  Complacency simply means being sure we're right - taking it for granted that we couldn't possibly be wrong.  It means, moreover, judging others by what we think is right.  It blocks out understanding and kindness, and seems to justify qualities in ourselves that we'd find wholly intolerable in others.

Do I tend to assume that my views are always correct?

Today I Pray - God, please steer me past complacency, that state of being on dead center.  When I am smug, I am no longer a seeker.  If I assume I am always right, I am never on guard for my own mistakes, which can run away with me.  Keep me teachable.  Keep me growing, in heart, mind, and spirit.

Today I Will Remember - Complacency stunts growth.

Don't be defensive

June 22 - The minute we think about a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive.  To avoid looking at the wrongs we've done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he or she has done us.  With a sense of triumph, we seize upon his or her slightest misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.  We have to remember that we're not the only ones plagued by sick emotions.  Often, we're really dealing with fellow sufferers, including those whose woes we've increased.

If I'm about to ask forgiveness for myself, why shouldn't I forgive the other person too?

Today I Pray - When I blame or fault-find, may my Higher Power tell me to look under the rug for my own feeling of guilt, which I have neatly swept under it.  May I recognize these behavior clues for what they really are.

Today I Will Remember - Resentment, inside-out, is guilt.

Free 12 step working journal

What to do this weekend?  How about start really working on the 12 steps. 

Download a free 12 Step Working Journal

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B_j7i4AzzD9Qal8wZFJTeXBpVjA/edit?pli=1

9th step amends

June 21 - "Direct" is a key word in the Ninth Step.  There are times, unfortunately, when many of us are hopeful that indirect amends will suffice, sparing us the pain and supposed humiliation of approaching people in person and telling them of our wrongs.  This is evasion and will never give us a true sense of breaking with the wrongdoing of the past.  It shows that we're still trying to defend something that isn't worth defending, hanging on to conduct that we ought to abandon.  The usual reasons for sidestepping direct amends are pride and fear.

As I make amends to others, do I realize that the real, lasting benefits accrue to me?

Today I Pray - May I be sure that the best reward for coming on straight as I try to repair my damages is, after all, my own.  But may I avoid making amends purely for my own benefit - to be forgiven, to be reinstated, to flaunt the "new me."  Ego-puffing and people-pleasing are not part of the real "new me."  God save m from opportunism.

Today I Will Remember - No puffery or people-pleasing.

Honest with the right people

June 20 - When we take the Ninth Step, we must be willing to be absolutely honest.  Obviously, though, indiscriminate "absolute honesty" would blow the room off many a house and entirely destroy some relationships.  We must hold nothing back through deceit and pride; we may need to hold something back through discretion and consideration for others.  Just when and how we tell the truth - or keep silent - can often reveal the difference between genuine integrity and none at all.

Am I grateful for the products of truth, which, through the grace of God, I have been privileged to receive?

Today I Pray - May I have the wisdom to know the fine line difference between tact and dishonesty.  In my eagerness to make restitution, may I not be the charmer, the flatterer, or the crawler who insists, "You're so good, and I'm so bad."  All are forms of dishonesty and hark back to the role-playing days of my active gambling addiction.  May I recognize them.

Today I Will Remember - Tact is honest selectivity.

Making Amends is Key to recovery

June 19 - The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us that only one consideration should qualify our desire to completely disclose the damage we've done.  And that's where a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we're making amends - or, just as important, others close to that person.  We can hardly unload a detailed account of extramarital misadventures, for example, on the shoulders of an unsuspecting wife or husband.  When we recklessly make the burdens of others heavier, such actions surely can't lighten our own burden.  Sometimes, in that sense, "telling all" may be almost a self-indulgence for us.  So in making amends, we should be tactful, sensible, considerate, and humble - without being servile.

As a child of God, do I stand on my feet and not crawl before anyone?

Today I Pray - May God show me that self-hatred has no role in making amends to others.  Neither has the play-acting of self-indulgence.  I ask most humbly for my Higher Power's guidance as I strive to maintain a mature balance in interpersonal relations, even in the most casual or fragile ones.

Today I Will Remember - Making amends is mending.

Like yourself first

June 18 - I believe today that I have a right to make spiritual progress.  I have a right to be emotionally mature.  I have a right to take pleasure in my own company, and that makes me more pleasant to be with.  I also have a right to become willing - deeply willing, entirely willing - to make amends to all those I've harmed.  Because I can now accept myself the way I am, I can accept other people the way they are - not entirely, but to a much greater degree than in the past.

Have I begun to make friends with God, and thus with myself?

Today I Pray - May God show me that it's okay to like myself, even while trying to repair old wrongs and rebuild from splinters.  May I keep telling myself that I am different now, I have changed.  I am a better and wiser and healthier person.  I have made some good choices.  As this "new Person," may I find it easier to make atonement for what happened long ago and in another spiritual place.  May those I have wronged also find it easier to accept my amends.

Today I Will Remember - It's okay to like myself.

How to make direct amends when in recovery

June 17 - Readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.  A casual apology on the one hand, will rarely suffice in making amends to one we have harmed; a true change of attitude, in contrast, can do wonders to make up for past unkindness.  If I've deprived anyone of any material thing, I'll acknowledge the debt and pay it as soon as I'm able.

Will I swallow my pride and make the first overtures toward reconciliation?

Today I Pray - God, show me the best ways to make "direct amends."  Sometimes simply admitting my mistakes may make it up to someone and unload my own simmering guilt.  Other times restitution may take some creative thought.  May I be wholly aware that I cannot take this Ninth Step unless I develop some caring, some real concern about how others feel, along with changes in my behavior.

Today I Will Remember - First I care, then I apologize. 

Focus on the moment

GA 9th step is hard, but necessary

June 16 - The Ninth Step of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is: "Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."  To make restitution for the wrongs we've done can be extremely difficult, to say the least; if nothing else, it deflates our egos and batters our pride.  Yet that in itself is a reward, and such restitution can bring still greater rewards.  When we go to a person and say we're sorry, the reaction is almost invariably positive.  Courage is required, to be sure, but the results more than justify the action.

Have I done my best to make all the restitution possible?

Today I Pray - May I count on my Higher Power to stop me if I start to crawl out from under my Ninth Step responsibility.  May I feel that blessed, liberating wash of relief that goes with saying, out loud, to someone I have harmed, "I was wrong.  I made mistakes.  I am honestly sorry."  May I not worry about cracking that brittle, cover-up crust of my ego, because the inside will be more mature.

Today I Will Remember - Restitution is blessed. 

Making Headway with Step 8 of Gamblers Anonymous

June 15 - Learning how to live in peace and partnership - with all men and women - is a fascinating and often very moving adventure.  But each of us in Gamblers Anonymous has found that we're not able to make much headway in our new adventure of living until we first take the time to make an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage we've left in our wake. 

Have I made a list of persons I have harmed, as Step Eight suggests, and become willing to make amends to them all?

Today I Pray - May God give me the honesty I need, not only to look inside myself and discover what is really there, but to see the ways that my sick and irresponsible behavior has affected those around me.  May I understand that my addiction is not - as I used to think - a loner's disease, that, no matter how alone I felt, my lies and fabrications spread out around me in widening circles of hurt.

Today I Will Remember - Lies spread to infinity.

Recovery is a process...

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Honesty takes practice with recovering from gambling

June 14 - Somewhere along the line, as we become more involved in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we reach a sharp awareness of the growth-value of honesty and candor.  When this happens, one of the first things we're able to admit is that our past behavior has been far from sane or even reasonable.  As soon as we can make this admission - without shame or embarrassment - we find still another dimension of freedom.

In my gradual recovery, am I expectant that life will become ever richer and ever more serene?

Today I Pray - May I know, even as I take that mighty First Step, which may be the first really honest move I have made in a long time, that honesty takes practice.  My old, deluded, head-tripping self is as different from the honest self that I must become as night is from day.  May I realize that it will take more than just one grey dawn to change me.

Today I Will Remember - Honesty takes practice. 

GA Program works

June 13 - I don't believe that the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the Twelve Steps work because I read it in a book, or because I hear other people say so.  I believe it because I see other people recovering and because I know that I, too, and recovering.  No longer do I believe that I am "helpless and hopeless."  When I see the change in other people and in myself, I know that the Program works.  when a television reporter once asked the philosopher Jung if he believed in God, Jung replied slowly, "I don't believe.  I know."

Do I know that the Program works?

Today I Pray - Show me the happy endings, the mended lives, the reconstituted selves, the rebuilt bridges, so I will not have to accept on faith the fact that the program works.  May I see it working - for others and for me.  May I be grateful for the documented reality of the Program's success.  May this certainty help me find the faith I need to follow the Twelve Steps.

Today I Will Remember - The Gamblers Anonymous Program works.

Gamblers Learn to Forgive Themselves

June 12 - Many of us have had difficulty ridding ourselves of the ravages of guilt.  During the early days in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, I either misunderstood certain parts of the Steps, or tried to apply them too quickly and too eagerly.  The result was that I increased my feelings of guilt and worthlessness, rather than freeing myself as the Steps intend.  Soon, though, I became at least willing to forgive myself, and I made a new beginning.  I undertook all the soul searching and cleansing Steps in our Program as they were intended to be taken, and not from a below-ground position of crippling hate and guilt.

Have I made amends to myself?

Today I Pray - May I forgive myself, as God has forgiven me.  May I know that if I am hanging on to an old satchel full of guilt, then I am not following the example God has shown me.  If my Higher Power, who has demonstrated forgiveness by leading me to this healing place, can forgive me, then so can I.  May I not begrudge myself what God has so generously offered.

Today I Will Remember - God forgives.  So must I.

Care for you first...

Part Good, Part Bad...Dont' make excuses for compulsive gambler

June 11 - Guilt is a cunning weapon in the armory of the compulsive gambler.  We can use the weapon against ourselves in many subtle ways; it can be deftly wielded, for example, in an attempt to convince us that the Gamblers Anonymous Program doesn't really work.  I have to protect myself constantly against guild and self-accusations concerning my past.  If necessary, I must constantly "re-forgive" myself, accepting myself as a mixture of good as well as bad.

Am I striving for spiritual progress?  Or will I settle for nothing less than the human impossibility of spiritual perfection?

Today I Pray - May I look inside myself now and then for any slow-burning, leftover guilt that can, when I'm unwary, damage my purpose.  May I stop kicking myself and pointing out my own imperfections - all those lesser qualities which detract from the ideal and "perfect" me.  May I no longer try to be unreachably, inhumanly perfect, but just spiritually whole.

Today I Will Remember - I am human - part good, part not-so-good.

Much better..

Name, Claim, Dump!

June 10 - When I least expect it, my keen addictive mind will try to divert me back toward my old ideas and old ways.  My mind is expert, in fact, at planting and nourishing negative feelings within me - feelings such as envy, fear, anxiety, or guilt.  The minute I spot any of these poisonous feelings rising up, I have to deal with them.  If not, the more I think about them, the stronger they'll get; the stronger they get, the more I'll think about them - to the point of obsession.

When negative feelings arise, do I "name them, claim them, and dump them"?

Today I Pray - I should know - and may I never forget - that a sure way to let my feelings get the best of me is to pretend they aren't there.  Like spoiled offspring, they act up when they are ignored.  But also like offspring, they are here, they are mine, and I am responsible for them.  May I learn to pay attention to my feelings, even if sometimes I would rather make believe they didn't belong to me.

Today I Will Remember - Name them, claim them, dump them.

Real Humility and Dramatic Put Downs?

June 9 - Some of us, new in Gamblers Anonymous, couldn't resist telling anyone who would listen just how "terrible" we were.  Just as we often exaggerated our modest accomplishments by pride, so we exaggerated our defects through guild.  Racing about and "confessing all," we somehow considered the widespread exposure of our sins to be true humility, considering it a great spiritual asset.  Only as we grew in the Program did we realize that our theatrics and storytelling were merely forms of exhibitionism.  And with that realization came the beginning of a certain amount of humility.

Am I starting to become aware that I'm not so important, after all?

Today I Pray - May I learn that there is a chasm of difference between real humility and the dramatic self-put-down.  May I be confronted if I unconsciously demand center-stage to out-do and out-risk others with my gambling stories.  May I be cautious that the accounts of my addictive misdeeds do not take on the epic grandeur of heroic exploits.  May I avoid the bordering on prideful "game-ologue."

Today I Will Remember - I will not star in my own "game-ologue."

Recovery is possible

Regret or Guilt?

June 8 - A friend in Gamblers Anonymous taught me to look at excessive guilt in an entirely new way, suggesting that guilt was nothing but a sort of reverse pride.  A decent regret for what has happened is fine, he said.  But guilt, no.  I've since learned that condemning ourselves for mistakes we've made is just as bas as condemning others for theirs.  We're not really equipped to make judgements, even of ourselves.

Do I still sometimes "beat myself to death" when I appear to be failing?

Today I Pray - May I be wary of keeping my guilty role alive long after I should have left it behind.  May I know the difference between regret and guilt.  May I recognize that long-term guilt may imply an exaggerated idea of my own importance, as well as present self-righteousness.  May God alone be my judge.

Today I Will Remember - Guilt may be pride in reverse.

Don't Lose Hope!

Bills will get paid...

Dealing with guilt when recovering from gambling addiction

June 7 - Few of us are entirely free from a sense of guilt.  We may feel guilty for things we've said or done - of things we've left unsaid or undone.  We're so used to that gnawing guilt that even when we're accused falsely we still feel guilty.  When I'm troubled by naggings of guilt, obviously I can't put into my day all the energy I'm capable of.  So I must rid myself of guilt - not by pushing it aside or ignoring it, but by identifying it and correcting the cause.

Have I finally begun to learn to "Keep It Simple?"

Today I Pray - Since guilt is such a familiar feeling for a compulsive gambler, may I learn to understand when my feelings are simply natural regret at what has happened and when I am taking on a pose of perpetual guilt.  I count on God to help me sort out and get rid of these twinges and pangs of guilt, which need to be recognized and unloaded.

Today I Will Remember - The verdict of guilty is not for life. 

Learn to Let Go

June 6 - Adjusting myself to things as they are, and being able to love without trying to interfere with or control anyone else, however close to me - that's one of the important things I search and can find in Gamblers Anonymous.  The learning is sometimes painful; however, the reward is life itself - full and serene.

Is the Program helping restore me to a sane and reasonable way of thinking, so I can handle my interpersonal relationships with love and understanding?

Today I Pray - May I respect those that I love enough to set them free - to stop controlling, manipulating, scheming, bailing them out of trouble.  May I love them enough to let them make their own mistakes and take responsibility for them.  May I learn to let go.

Today I Will Remember - Loving is letting go.

Pick your path...

Now back to regular scheduled programming...

    Thank you for your patience in the lapse of postings.  I especially appreciate those email followers who have contacted me to make sure all is okay.  And it is.  I've had a busy month and a half with work and family things.  I've even missed more meetings this past month than all year last year.  But it's not because I've been sitting at a video poker machine, thank my Higher Power!  It's because after a year and a half of intense recovery, I was able to take a few breaks away and not be afraid I would slip.  I made a decision to focus on a few pressing work things and all those darn Little League games have been filling up my time.  Last game is tomorrow and work has settled and I'm back....



   So no longer do you have to Stand By!   I am rejuvenated, ready to post, and super ready to hear from readers!  Email me at switzylynn@gmail.com if you have things you want me to post!  I need material. 

  One day at a time...

The message is the meaning to recovering from gambling

June 5 - The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches me that not too many people can truthfully assert that they love everybody.  Most of us have to admit that we've loved only a few, and that we've been quite indifferent to many.  As for the rest, well, we've really disliked or hated them.  We in Gamblers Anonymous find we need something much better than this in order to keep our balance.  The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anyone at all, has to be abandoned - if only a little at a time.

At meetings, do I concentrate on the message rather than the messenger?

Today I Pray - May I understand that there is no place in my recovery from compulsive gambling - or in my entire life - for toxic hatred or lackadaisical indifference.  One of the most important positive ideas that I must carry with me is that all humans, as the children of God, make up a loving brother-and sisterhood.  May I find it hard to hate a brother or sister.

Today I Will Remember - Hear the message.  Don't judge the messenger.