Staying Clean is Tricky

June 30 - I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that the trick, for me, is not stopping gambling, but staying stopped and learning how not to start again.  God knows, I tried to stop plenty of times, by lecturing myself on how it was affecting not only my life, but all aspects of my behavior.  Gambling was actually changing who I seemed to be.  To stay stopped, I've had to develop a positive, ongoing program of action.  I've had to learn to live free from addiction, cultivating new patterns, new interest, and new attitudes.

Am I remaining flexible in my new life?  Am I exercising my freedom to abandon limited objectives?

Today I Pray - I pray that my new life will be filled with new patterns, new friends, new activities, new ways of looking at things.  I need God's help to overhaul my lifestyle to include all the newness it must hold.  I also need a few ideas of my own.  May my independence from compulsive gambling help me make my choices with an open mind and a clear, appraising eye.  

Today I Will Remember - Stopping is starting.

Crossed Paths and Happenstance

June 29 - Once we surrendered and came to the Gamblers Anonymous Program, many of us wondered what we would do with all that time on our hands.  All the hours we'd previously spent planning, hiding, alibiing, losing our shirts, borrowing, juggling accounts - and all the rest - threatened to turn into empty chunks of time that somehow had to be filled.  We needed new ways to use the energy previously absorbed by our addiction.  We soon realized that substituting a new and different activity is far easier than just stopping the old activity and putting nothing in its place.

Am I redirecting my mind and energy?

Today I Pray - I pray that, once free of the encumbrance of my addiction, I may turn to my Higher Power to discover for me how to fill my time constructively and creatively.  May that same Power that makes human paths cross and links certain people to specific situations, lead me along good new roads into good new places.

Today I Will Remember - Happenstance may be more than chance.

My Life is a Miracle

June 28 - Almost daily, I hear of seeming mysterious coincidences in the lives of my friends in Gamblers Anonymous.  From time to time, I've experienced such "coincidences" myself:  showing up at the right place at exactly the right time; phoning a friend who, unbeknownst to me, desperately needed that particular phone call at the precise moment; hearing "my story" at an unfamiliar meeting in a strange town.  These days, I choose to believe that may of life's so-called "coincidences" are actually small miracles of God, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Am I continually grateful for the miracle of my recovery?

Today I Pray - May my awareness of a Higher Power working in our lives grow in sensitivity as I learn, each day, of "coincidences" that defy statistics, illnesses that reverse their prognoses, hairbreadth escapes that defy death, chance meetings that change the course of a life.  When the non-understandable happens, may I perceive it as just another of God's frequent miracles.  My own death-defying miracle is witness enough for me.

Today I Will Remember - My life is a miracle.

You May Need Order Now

June 27 - Little by little, I'm getting over my tendency to procrastinate.  I always used to put things off til tomorrow, and, of course, they never got done.  Instead of "Do it now," my motto was "Tomorrow's another day."  When I was in action, I had grandiose plans; when I came down from my high, I was too busy getting over my depression to start anything.  I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that it's far better to make a mistake once in a while than to never do anything at all.

Am I learning to "do it now"?

Today I Pray - May God help me cure my habitual tardiness and "get me to the church on time."  May I free myself of the self-imposed chaos of lifelong procrastination: library books overdue, appointments half-missed, assignments turned in late, schedules unmet, meals half-cooked..  May I be sure if I, as a compulsive gambler, led a disordered life, I , as a recovering compulsive gambler, need order.  May God give me the serenity I need to restore order and organization to my daily living.

Today I Will Remember - I will not be put off by my dependency to put off.

Grow or Deteriorate?

June 26 - How many of us would presume to announce, "Well, I'm on my way to licking the gambling habit.  What more can I want, or do:?  I'm fine just the way I am."  Experience has taught us that the price of such smug complacency - or, more politely, self-satisfaction - is an inevitable backslide, punctuated sooner or later by a very rude awakening.  We have to grow, or else we deteriorate.  For us, the status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow.  Change we must; we can't stand still.

Am I sometimes tempted to rest on my laurels?

Today I Pray - May I look around me and see that all living things are either growing or deteriorating; nothing that is alive is static  Life flows on.  May I be carried along on that life-flow, unafraid of change, disengaging myself from the snags along the way that hold me back and interrupt my progress.

Today I Will Remember - Living is changing. 

Free the Chains

June 25 - If I ever come to the complacent conclusion that I don't need the Gamblers Anonymous Program any longer, let me quickly remind myself that it can do far more than carry me through the anguish of living in the bondage of the addiction.  Let me further remind myself that I can make even greater strides in fulfilling myself, for the Program and the Twelve Steps is a philosophy - a way of life.

Will I ever outgrow my need for the GA Program?

Today I Pray - May my Higher Power lead me through the Twelve Steps, not just once, but again and again, until they become the guiding principles of my existence.  This is no quickie seminar on improving the quality of my life; this is my life, restored to me through Divine Power and the friendship of my fellow gamblers, who, like me, are recovering in the best known way.

Today I Will Remember - Step by Step, from bondage to abundant life.

Just a Beginning

June 24 - The primary purpose of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is freedom from compulsive gambling; without that freedom we have nothing.  But that doesn't mean I can say, for example, "Compulsive gambling is my only concern.  Except for that, I'm really a super person, so give me freedom from gambling, and I've got it made."  If I delude myself with such specious nonsense, I'll make so little progress with my real life problems and responsibilities that I'll likely return to my addiction.  That's why the Program's Twelfth Step urges us to "practice these principles in all our affairs."

Am I living just to be free of the compulsion to gamble, or also to learn, to serve, and to love?

Today I Pray - May I relish and be grateful for my abstinence, which is where all good things begin.  But let me not stop at that and give up trying to understand myself, the nature of God and of humanity.  Freedom from addiction is the first freedom.  May I be certain that there are more to come - freedom from tight-mindedness, from the unrest of bottled-up feelings, from over dependence on others, from a Godless existence.  May the Program which answered my acute needs also answer my chronic ones. 

Today I Will Remember - Liberation from gambling is just a beginning. 

Am I Always Right? NO!

June 23 - Complacency is my enemy, easy to recognize in others, but difficult to identify and accept in myself.  Complacency simply means being sure we're right - taking it for granted that we couldn't possibly be wrong.  It means, moreover, judging others by what we think is right.  It blocks out understanding and kindness, and seems to justify qualities in ourselves that we'd find wholly intolerable in others.

Do I tend to assume that my views are always correct?

Today I Pray - God, please steer me past complacency, that state of being on dead center.  When I am smug, I am no longer a seeker.  If I assume I am always right, I am never on guard for my own mistakes, which can run away with me.  Keep me teachable.  Keep me growing, in heart, mind, and spirit.

Today I Will Remember - Complacency stunts growth.

Lose the Defensiveness

June 22 - The minute we think about a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive.  To avoid looking at the wrongs we've done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he or she has done us.  With a sense of triumph, we seize upon his or her slightest misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.  We have to remember that we're not the only ones plagued by sick emotions.  Often, we're really dealing with fellow sufferers, including those whose woes we've increased.

If I'm about to ask forgiveness for myself, why shouldn't I forgive the other person too?

Today I Pray - When I blame or fault-find, may my Higher Power tell me to look under the rug for my own feeling of guilt, which I have neatly swept under it.  May I recognize these behavior clues for what they really are.

Today I Will Remember - Resentment, inside-out, is guilt.

Trickiness of the 9th Step

June 21 - "Direct" is a key word in the Ninth Step.  There are times, unfortunately, when many of us are hopeful that indirect amends will suffice, sparing us the pain and supposed humiliation of approaching people in person and telling them of our wrongs.  This is evasion and will never give us a true sense of breaking with the wrongdoing of the past.  It shows that we're still trying to defend something that isn't worth defending, hanging on to conduct that we ought to abandon.  The usual reasons for sidestepping direct amends are pride and fear.

As I make amends to others, do I realize that the real, lasting benefits accrue to me?

Today I Pray - May I be sure that the best reward for coming on straight as I try to repair my damages is, after all, my own.  But may I avoid making amends purely for my own benefit - to be forgiven, to be reinstated, to flaunt the "new me."  Ego-puffing and people-pleasing are not part of the real "new me."  God save m from opportunism.

Today I Will Remember - No puffery or people-pleasing.

Tact vs. Dishonesty

June 20 - When we take the Ninth Step, we must be willing to be absolutely honest.  Obviously, though, indiscriminate "absolute honesty" would blow the room off many a house and entirely destroy some relationships.  We must hold nothing back through deceit and pride; we may need to hold something back through discretion and consideration for others.  Just when and how we tell the truth - or keep silent - can often reveal the difference between genuine integrity and none at all.

Am I grateful for the products of truth, which, through the grace of God, I have been privileged to receive?

Today I Pray - May I have the wisdom to know the fine line difference between tact and dishonesty.  In my eagerness to make restitution, may I not be the charmer, the flatterer, or the crawler who insists, "You're so good, and I'm so bad."  All are forms of dishonesty and hark back to the role-playing days of my active gambling addiction.  May I recognize them.

Today I Will Remember - Tact is honest selectivity.

Our "Shadow Days" Are Over

~a.f.

Making Amends and Mending

June 19 - The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us that only one consideration should qualify our desire to completely disclose the damage we've done.  And that's where a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we're making amends - or, just as important, others close to that person.  We can hardly unload a detailed account of extramarital misadventures, for example, on the shoulders of an unsuspecting wife or husband.  When we recklessly make the burdens of others heavier, such actions surely can't lighten our own burden.  Sometimes, in that sense, "telling all" may be almost a self-indulgence for us.  So in making amends, we should be tactful, sensible, considerate, and humble - without being servile. 

As a child of God, do I stand on my feet and not crawl before anyone?

Today I Pray - May God show me that self-hatred has no role in making amends to others.  Neither has the play-acting of self-indulgence.  I ask most humbly for my Higher Power's guidance as I strive to maintain a mature balance in interpersonal relations, even in the most casual or fragile ones. 

Today I Will Remember - Making amends is mending.

Like Yourself First

June 18 - I believe today that I have a right to make spiritual progress.  I have a right to be emotionally mature.  I have a right to take pleasure in my own company, and that makes me more pleasant to be with.  I also have a right to become willing - deeply willing, entirely willing - to make amends to all those I've harmed.  Because I can now accept myself the way I am, I can accept other people the way they are - not entirely, but to a much greater degree than in the past.

Have I begun to make friends with God, and thus with myself?

Today I Pray - May God show me that it's okay to like myself, even while trying to repair old wrongs and rebuild from splinters.  May I keep telling myself that I am different now, I have changed.  I am a better and wiser and healthier person.  I have made some good choices.  As this "new Person," may I find it easier to make atonement for what happened long ago and in another spiritual place.  May those I have wronged also find it easier to accept my amends.

Today I Will Remember - It's okay to like myself. 

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Layman's  10 Commandments.
1]  Prayer is  not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a  "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout the journey.
2]  So why is a  Car's WINDSHIELD so large & the Rear View Mirror so small? Because  our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.
3]  Friendship  is like a BOOK. It takes a few minutes to burn, but it takes years to  write.
4]  All things  in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last  forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.
5]  Old Friends  are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget  the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!
6]  Often when  we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says,  "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end! 
7]  When GOD  solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't  solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.  8]  A blind  person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye  sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"
9]  When you  pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes,  when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you. 
10]  WORRYING  does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE.

A Father's Day "One Day at a Time"

Father's Day - I know deep in my heart that a father's job is to ensure that one day his children no longer need him.  Given the deep and endless love a father has for his children, this is truly a humbling and selfless task.  To most men this is second nature.  Unfortunately, during the cloudy haze of compulsive gambling, selfless acts vanish.  The concept of humility and doing for others disappears.  Many a father has lost the privilege of raising his children and many more fight to retain it.

Today I Ask Myself - Have I begun to shake the clouded haze?  Have I begun to remember what is truly of value?  Am I following the steps - ridding my character defects - becoming a better man?  Am I using all my resources to accomplish this?

Today I Pray - Let me see clearly that selfless acts will only serve to heal me.  Guide me back into the lives of those I can still positively affect.  Help my fallen brothers recover and reunite.

~d.s.

Show Real Care

June 17 - Readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.  A casual apology on the one hand, will rarely suffice in making amends to one we have harmed; a true change of attitude, in contrast, can do wonders to make up for past unkindness.  If I've deprived anyone of any material thing, I'll acknowledge the debt and pay it as soon as I'm able.

Will I swallow my pride and make the first overtures toward reconciliation?

Today I Pray - God, show me the best ways to make "direct amends."  Sometimes simply admitting my mistakes may make it up to someone and unload my own simmering guilt.  Other times restitution may take some creative thought.  May I be wholly aware that I cannot take this Ninth Step unless I develop some caring, some real concern about how others feel, along with changes in my behavior.

Today I Will Remember - First I care, then I apologize. 

I Was Wrong. I Made Mistakes. I am Honestly Sorry.

June 16 - The Ninth Step of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is: "Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."  To make restitution for the wrongs we've done can be extremely difficult, to say the least; if nothing else, it deflates our egos and batters our pride.  Yet that in itself is a reward, and such restitution can bring still greater rewards.  When we go to a person and say we're sorry, the reaction is almost invariably positive.  Courage is required, to be sure, but the results more than justify the action.

Have I done my best to make all the restitution possible?

Today I Pray - May I count on my Higher Power to stop me if I start to crawl out from under my Ninth Step responsibility.  May I feel that blessed, liberating wash of relief that goes with saying, out loud, to someone I have harmed, "I was wrong.  I made mistakes.  I am honestly sorry."  May I not worry about cracking that brittle, cover-up crust of my ego, because the inside will be more mature.

Today I Will Remember - Restitution is blessed. 

Making Headway

June 15 - Learning how to live in peace and partnership - with all men and women - is a fascinating and often very moving adventure.  But each of us in Gamblers Anonymous has found that we're not able to make much headway in our new adventure of living until we first take the time to make an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage we've left in our wake. 

Have I made a list of persons I have harmed, as Step Eight suggests, and become willing to make amends to them all?

Today I Pray - May God give me the honesty I need, not only to look inside myself and discover what is really there, but to see the ways that my sick and irresponsible behavior has affected those around me.  May I understand that my addiction is not - as I used to think - a loner's disease, that, no matter how alone I felt, my lies and fabrications spread out around me in widening circles of hurt.

Today I Will Remember - Lies spread to infinity.

It Takes Time

June 14 - Somewhere along the line, as we become more involved in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we reach a sharp awareness of the growth-value of honesty and candor.  When this happens, one of the first things we're able to admit is that our past behavior has been far from sane or even reasonable.  As soon as we can make this admission - without shame or embarrassment - we find still another dimension of freedom.

In my gradual recovery, am I expectant that life will become ever richer and ever more serene?

Today I Pray - May I know, even as I take that mighty First Step, which may be the first really honest move I have made in a long time, that honesty takes practice.  My old, deluded, head-tripping self is as different from the honest self that I must become as night is from day.  May I realize that it will take more than just one grey dawn to change me.

Today I Will Remember - Honesty takes practice. 

Living with a Compulsive Gambler?

1. Do you find yourself constantly bothered by bill collectors?
2. Is the person in question often away from home for long, unexplained periods of time?
3. Does this person ever lose time from work due to gambling?
4. Do you feel that this person cannot be trusted with money?
5. Does the person in question faithfully promise that he or she will stop gambling; beg, plead for another chance, yet gamble again and again?
6. Does this person ever gamble longer than he or she intended to, until the last dollar is gone?
7. Does this person immediately return to gambling to try to recover losses, or to win more?
8. Does this person ever gamble to get money to solve financial difficulties or have unrealistic expectations that gambling will bring the family material comfort and wealth?
9. Does this person borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
10. Has this person's reputation ever suffered due to gambling, even to the extent of committing illegal acts to finance gambling?
11. Have you come to the point of hiding money needed for living expenses, knowing that you and the rest of the family may go without food and clothing if you do not?
12. Do you search this person's clothing or go through his or her wallet when the opportunity presents itself, or otherwise check on his/her activities?
13. Does the person in question hide his or her money?
14. Have you noticed a personality change in the gambler as his or her gambling progresses?
15. Does the person in question consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
16. Does this person use guilt induction as a method of shifting responsibilities for his or her gambling upon you?
17. Do you attempt to anticipate this person's moods, or try to control his or her life?
18. Does this person ever suffer from remorse or depression due to gambling, sometimes to the point of self-destruction?
19. Has the gambling ever brought you to the point of threatening to break up the family unit?
20. Do you feel that your life together is a nightmare?

If you've answered yes to some of these questions, Gam-Anon can help.  Meetings in Grand Rapids on Monday night at 7 p.m.  See our Meetings Make It page!

The Rebuilt Bridges

June 13 - I don't believe that the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the Twelve Steps work because I read it in a book, or because I hear other people say so.  I believe it because I see other people recovering and because I know that I, too, and recovering.  No longer do I believe that I am "helpless and hopeless."  When I see the change in other people and in myself, I know that the Program works.  when a television reporter once asked the philosopher Jung if he believed in God, Jung replied slowly, "I don't believe.  I know."

Do I know that the Program works?

Today I Pray - Show me the happy endings, the mended lives, the reconstituted selves, the rebuilt bridges, so I will not have to accept on faith the fact that the program works.  May I see it working - for others and for me.  May I be grateful for the documented reality of the Program's success.  May this certainty help me find the faith I need to follow the Twelve Steps.

Today I Will Remember - The Gamblers Anonymous Program works.

Tip 11: Coping with Urges

Stop dwelling on the urge.  Get outside of yourself.  Go and help someone else!

I Must Forgive Myself

June 12 - Many of us have had difficulty ridding ourselves of the ravages of guilt.  During the early days in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, I either misunderstood certain parts of the Steps, or tried to apply them too quickly and too eagerly.  The result was that I increased my feelings of guilt and worthlessness, rather than freeing myself as the Steps intend.  Soon, though, I became at least willing to forgive myself, and I made a new beginning.  I undertook all the soul searching and cleansing Steps in our Program as they were intended to be taken, and not from a below-ground position of crippling hate and guilt. 

Have I made amends to myself?

Today I Pray - May I forgive myself, as God has forgiven me.  May I know that if I am hanging on to an old satchel full of guilt, then I am not following the example God has shown me.  If my Higher Power, who has demonstrated forgiveness by leading me to this healing place, can forgive me, then so can I.  May I not begrudge myself what God has so generously offered. 

Today I Will Remember - God forgives.  So must I.