Eleventh Step and Tranquility

November 5 - For many months after I came to Gamblers Anonymous, I paid little attention to the Eleventh Step, to the practice of serious meditation and prayer.  I felt that it might help me meet an emergency - such as a sudden craving to return to gambling - but it remained among the lowest levels on my list of priorities.  In those early days, I equated prayer and meditation with mystery and even hypocrisy.  I've since found that the result of prayer and meditation are more rewarding than I could have ever imagined.  For me today, the harvest is increasingly bountiful, and I continue to gain peace of mind and strength far beyond my human limitations.

Is my former pain being replaced by tranquility?

Today I Pray - May I find my own best way to God, my own best technique of meditation - whether I use an oriental mantra or the name of Jesus Christ, or just allow the spirit of God, as I understand Him, to settle into me and give me peace.  By whatever means I reach my God, may I learn to know Him well and feel His presence - not only in these quiet times, but in everything I do.

Today I Will Remember - Meditation is opening myself to the spirit of God.

Having a Human Experience

November 4 - In the words of Teilhard de Chardin, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience."  Even though we acknowledge in theory that we are spiritual beings, most compulsive gamblers had to experience some sort of spiritual awakening before we were willing to turn our lives over to a Higher Power.  It was then that we could finally say we were spiritual beings.  For some of us, it was as though we had experienced spirituality for the first time in our lives.  But, no matter what our spiritual base had been previously, once we discovered this new sense of spirituality, it became an experience and a feeling we wold not soon be willing to leave behind.

Am I grateful for the "awakening" that has put me in touch with my Higher Power - and with my own spiritual essence?

Today I Pray - May I not forget how my outlook toward life, myself, friends, loved ones, and God had deteriorated prior to coming to Gamblers Anonymous.  May I do whatever it takes to keep my spiritual life from hitting bottom again.  May I keep growing spiritually - a day at a time.

Today I Will Remember - Let my spirituality guide my humanity.

Find your Whole self

November 3 - The Gamblers Anonymous Red Book says: "The word spiritual can be said to describe those characteristics of the human mind that represent the highest and finest qualities, such as kindness, generosity, honesty, and humility.  Inasmuch as the Gamblers Anonymous Fellowship advocates consideration of these principles as a way of life, it is said that ours is a spiritual fellowship."  I have begun to understand that my spirituality has to do with my wholeness - the healthy congruency of truths, as I now perceive them, and my inner self.

Do I continue to strive for qualities that will bring me the greatest long-term happiness?

Today I Pray - May I work toward taking into myself those "highest and finest qualities" that define my spiritual being.  May I know the joys that come through living the GA way, until all life becomes a celebration shared especially with others who, like me, are trying to live up to these God-inspired principles.

Today I Will Remember - From spiritual holes to spiritual whole.

No situation in hopeless when in Gamblers Anonymous

September 8 - We are told that no situation is hopeless.  At first, of course, we find this hard to believe.  The opposites - hope and despair - are human emotional attitudes.  It is we who are hopeless, not the condition of our lives.  When we give up hope and become depressed, it's because we're unable, for now, to believe in the possibility of change for the better.

Can I accept this: "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed unless it's faced"?

Today I Pray - May I remember that, because I am human and can make choices, I am never "hopeless."  Only the situation I find myself in may seem hopeless, which may reduce me to a state of helpless depression as I see my choices being blocked off.  May I remember, too, that even when I see no solution, I can choose to ask God's help.

Today I Will Remember - I can choose not to be hopeless.

Find the bright side in gambling recovery

September 7 - "If you're not all right the way you are," it's been said, "it takes a lot of effort to get better.  Realize you're all right the way you are, and you'll get better naturally."  Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation so difficult that it seems insoluble.  The more we think about it, the more we get on our own backs for our imagined inadequacy to overcome the situation - and we sink into depression.  That's the moment to recall a single phrase, slogan, or bit of philosophy, saying it over and over until it replaces thoughts of the tormenting problem - which, in the final analysis will take care of itself.

Do I sometimes forget that the thorns have roses?

Today I Pray - May I see that God gives us patterns so that we can take comfort in opposites - day follows night; silence follows din; love follows loneliness; release follows suffering.  If I am ineffectual, may I realize it and try to do something constructive.  If I am insensitive, may my friends confront me into greater sensitivity.

Today I Will Remember - Clouds have linings.  Problems have endings.

Goal setting helps with depression - helps with recovery

September 6 - As practicing compulsive gamblers, we were all to familiar with depression, that pile-up of dark feelings that seemed to close over our heads at regular intervals.  Even now, when I am not making progress at the rate I expect I should be, when I expect a total turnaround in my spiritual self overnight, those familiar feelings of gloom can come calling on me again, if I hold the door open for them.

Do I recognize that my goals of perfection are directly related to my feeling of depression?  Do I admit that depression today, in my recover, is less debilitating and more within my power to change?

Today I Pray - When I am immobilized by depression, may I set small, reasonable goals - as miniature perhaps as saying hello to a child, washing my own coffee cup, neatening my desk, offering a short prayer.  May I scrap my own script for failure, which sets me up for deeper depression.

Today I Will Remember - Goals set too high set me back.

Set attainable goals in recovery

September 5 - We're often told that compulsive gamblers are perfectionists, impatient about any shortcomings - especially our own.  We tend to set impossible goals for ourselves, struggling fiercely to reach our unattainable ideals.  Then of course - since no person could possibly meet the extremely high standards we demand of ourselves - we find ourselves falling short.  Discouragement and depression set in; we angrily punish ourselves for being less than superhuman.  The next time around, rather than setting more realistic goals, we set them even higher.  And we fall farther, then punish ourselves more severely.

Isn't it about time I stopped setting unattainable goals for myself, as well as for those around me?

Today I Pray - May God temper my own image of myself as a superperson.  May I settle for less than perfection from myself, as well as from others.  For only God is perfect, and I am limited by being human.

Today I Will Remember - I am not God; I am only human.

Find a Saner Way of Life

September 4 - Through I have prayed at various times in my life, I realized after several months in Gamblers Anonymous that I'd never really prayed properly.  I'd always tried to make deals with God, much like a foxhole atheist; I'd always pleaded, "Grand me my wishes," instead of "Thy will - not mine - be done."  The result was that I remained self-deceived and was thus incapable of receiving enough grace to restore me to a saner way of life.

Do I see that, in the past, when I prayed to God, I usually asked that two and two not make four?

Today I Pray - May I look back and review how I have prayed before, for specific solutions that I, from my earthly vantage, felt were best.  May I question, in the longer view of time, whether those solutions would have been right had God chosen to do things my way.  In retrospect, may I see that my please were not always so wise.  May I be content to trust God.

Today I Will Remember - God may not do it my way.

Step 11 keeps you growing in Gamblers Anonymous

September 3 - Sometimes, even when friends in and outside of the Gamblers Anonymous Program tell us how well we're doing, we know deep down that we're really not doing well enough.  We still have trouble handling life and facing reality on reality's terms.  We suspect, at those times, that there must be a serious flaw in our spiritual practice and development.  Chances are strong that our trouble lies in either the misunderstanding or neglect of Step Eleven - prayer, meditation, and the guidance of God.  The other Steps can keep most of us clean and functioning.  But Step Eleven can keep us growing - so long as we try had and work at it continuously.

Do I trust infinite God rather than my finite self?

Today I Pray - I pray for a deepening of my spiritual awareness, for a stronger faith in the Unseen, for a closer communion with my Higher Power.  May I realize that my growth in the GA Program depends on my spiritual development.  May I give over more of my trust to God's eternal wisdom.

Today I Will Remember - I will not give in or give up, but give over to the power of God. 

The next 24 hours

September 2 - When I wake up, I'll think quietly about the twenty-four hours ahead.  I'll ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be free from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives.  If I have to determine which of several courses to take, I'll ask God for inspiration, for an intuitive thought, or a decision.  Then I'll relax and take it easy, confident that all will be well.

Can I believe that, when I give up my "rights" of expectations, I'll know freedom?

Today I Pray - I praise God for being able to praise God, to choose the times when I will seek Him, to find my own words when I talk to Him, to address Him in the way that seems most right to me.  May I expect that He in turn must be free of my expectations, to affect my life as He sees fit.

Today I Will Remember - Who am I to try to tell God what to do?

Labor Day Monday Meeting still a go

Holidays can be hard for a gambler...

We encourage you to spend the day with family, not in a gambling mess!  Enjoy the sunshine, enjoy a BBQ, enjoy the people in your life who love you!  Stay Strong!  Meetings are still held on holidays - so please come and join your Gamblers Anonymous Family!

Fake it till you make it!

September 1 - The Gamblers Anonymous Red Book, in explaining Step Eleven, says "A conscious contact seems to start with daily prayer.  What is prayer?  To some it is a personal chat with their Higher Power.  So each of us can pray as we see fit."  If at first prayer seems difficult, you can "fake it until you make it." "In time you will grow to eagerly accept prayer and know the rewards it will give you...Prayer enlarges the ability to cope."

Have I accepted prayer and meditation as a part of my life?

Today I Pray - I praise my Higher Power for my freedom to find my own understanding of God.  May my life be God's, whether I think of Him as a Father whose hand and spirit I can tough with an upward reach of my own, or as a universal Spirit that I can merge with as the hard outlines of my "self" begin to melt, or as a core of Divine and absolute goodness inside myself.  May I know Him well, whether I find Him within me, without me, or in all things everywhere.

Today I Will Remember - I thank God, as I understand Him, for my understanding of Him.

Your past does not define you

August 20 - All of the Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural inclinations and desires; they puncture, squeeze, and finally deflate our egos.  When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than the Fifth, which suggests that we "admit to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."  Few Steps are harder to take, yes, but scarcely any other Step is as necessary to long-term freedom from gambling addiction.

Have I quit living by myself with the tormenting ghosts of yesterday?

Today I Pray - May God give me strength to face that great ego-pincher - Step Five.  May I not hesitate to call a trusted hearer of Firth Steps, set up a meeting, and share this Step.  By accepting responsibility for my behavior, and then sharing my account of it with one other, I am actually unburdening myself.

Today I Will Remember - My Fifth Step pain is also my liberation.

How does gamblers anonymous work?

August 19 - "How does the Gamblers Anonymous Program work?" newcomers sometimes ask.  The two answers I most often hear are "very well" and "slowly."  I'm appreciative of both answers, facetious as they may first sound, because my self-analyzing tends to be faulty.  Sometimes I've failed to share my defects with the right people; other times, I've confessed their defects, rather than my own; at still other times, my sharing of defects has been more in the nature of shrill complaints about problems.  The fact is that none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, and the confession of shortcomings that the Steps require.  But we eventually see that the GA Program really works.

Have I picked up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at my feet?

Today I Pray - May God keep me from laying out my defects by comparing them to someone else's.  We are, by nature, relativists and comparers, who think in terms of "worse than," "not quite as bad as," or "better than."  May I know that my faults are faults, whether or not they are "better than" others'.

Today I Will Remember - Shortcomings are shortcomings, even when they are "better than."

Don't fool yourself into gambling again

August 18 - As compulsive gamblers, self-delusion was intricately woven through almost all of what we thought and did.  We became experts at convincing ourselves, when necessary, that black was white, that wrong was right, or even that day was night.  Now that we're in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, our need for self-delusion is fading.  If I'm fooling myself these days, my sponsor can spot it quickly.  And, as he or she skillfully steers me away from my fantasies, I find that I'm less and less likely to defend myself against reality and unpleasant truths about myself.  Gradually, in the process, my pride, fear, and ignorance are losing their destructive power.

Do I firmly believe that a solitary self-appraisal wouldn't be nearly enough?

Today I Pray - May I understand that not only must I look to my Higher Power, but that I needed to trust my fellow members of the group in this Step of self-evaluation.  For we mirror each other in all our delusions and fantasies, and with these facing mirrors, we produce a depth of perspective that we could never come by alone.

Today I Will Remember - To see myself all around, I need a three way mirror - with reflections from God, my friends, and me.

Find the goodness in you

August 17 - The Fourth Step suggests we make a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory - not an immoral inventory of ourselves.  The Steps are guidelines to recovery, not whipping posts for self-flagellation.  Taking my inventory doesn't mean concentrating on my shortcomings until all the good is hidden from view.  By the same token, recognizing the good need not be an act of pride or conceit.  If I recognize my good qualities as God-given, I can take an inventory with true humility while experiencing satisfaction in what is pleasant, loving, and generous in me.

Will I try to believe, in Walt Whitman's words, "I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness..."

Today I Pray - When I find good things about myself, as I undertake this inner archaeological dig, may I give credit where it is due - to God, who is the giver of all good.  May I appreciate whatever is good about me with humility, as a gift from God.

Today I Will Remember - Goodness is a gift from God.

Take comfort in your positive qualities

August 16 - Inventory taking isn't always done in red ink.  It's a rare day when we haven't done something right.  As I uncover and face my shortcomings, my many good qualities will be revealed to me also, reminding me that they have the same reality as my faults.  Even when we've tried hard and failed, for instance, we can chalk that up as one of the greatest credits of all.  I'll try to appreciate my good qualities, because they not only offset the faults, but give me a foundation on which to grow.  It's just as self-deceptive to discount what's good in us as to justify what is not.

Can I take comfort in my positive qualities, accepting myself as a friend?

Today I Pray - If I find only defects when I look in that Fourth Step mirror, may I be sure that I am missing something - namely my good points.  Although my ultra-modesty may be approved socially, may I learn that it is just as dishonest as rationalizing away my faults.  Even an out-and-out failure, if examined from all sides, may turn up a plus along with the obvious minuses.

Today I Will Remember - To give myself, if not an A for effort, at least an average B minus.

Take Stock in your Future

August 15 - It's often said that you can't tell a book by its cover.  For many of us, our "covers" or surface records haven't looked all that bad; it seemed at first, that making an inventory would be "a breeze."  As we proceeded, we were dismayed to discover that our "covers" were relatively blemish-free only because we'd deeply buried our defects beneath layers of self-deception.  For that reason, self-searching can be a long-term process; it must go on for as long as we remain blind to the flaws that ambushed us into addiction and misery.

Will I try to face myself as I am, correcting whatever is keeping me from being the person I want to be?

Today I Pray - May God aid me in my soul-searching, because I have hidden many of my faults neatly from friends, family, and especially myself.  If I feel "more sinned against, than sinning," may I take it as a clue that I need to dig deeper for the real me.

Today I Will Remember - Taking stock of myself is buying stock in my future.

Find yourself in the middle of nowhere?

August 14 - Step Four enables me to see myself as I really am - my characteristics, motives, attitudes, and behaviors.  I'm taught in Gamblers Anonymous to search out my mistakes resolutely.  Where, for example, had I been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened?  I'm taught, also, that my deeply rooted habit of self-justification may tempt me to "explain away" each fault as I uncover it, blaming others for my own shortcomings.

Will I believe that personal honesty can achieve what superior knowledge often cannot?

Today I Pray - May I not make the Fourth Step a once-over-lightly, let's-get-it-over-with exercise in self-appraisal.  May I know that, once I take this Step, I must review it again many times until it becomes, like the other eleven, a way of life for me.  May I protect the value of my Fourth Step from my old habit of head-tripping and buckpassing my way out of responsibility.

Today I Will Remember - Personal honesty paves the way to recovery.

Don't run from your recovery

August 13 - The Gamblers Anonymous Program's Fourth Step suggests that we make a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.  For some of us, no challenge seems more formidable; there's nothing more difficult than facing ourselves as we really are.  We flee from one wrongdoing after another as they catch up with us, forever making excuses, pleading always that our virtues in other areas far outweigh our flaws.  Yet once we become willing to look squarely and self-searchingly at ourselves, we're then able to illuminate the dark and negative side of our natures with new vision, determination, and grace.

Am I willing to open my eyes and step out into the sunlight?

Today I Pray - May my Higher Power stop me in my tracks if I am running away from myself.  For I will never overcome my misdeeds, or the flaws in my character that brought them about, by letting them chase me.  May I slow down and turn to face them with the most trusty weapon I know - truth.

Today I Will Remember - I will not be a fugitive from myself. 

Allow serenity into your life

August 12 - Someone once inquired of a Zen master, "How do you maintain such serenity and peace?" He replied, "I never leave my place of meditation."  Although he meditated early in the morning, for the rest of the day he carried the peace of those moments with him.  Being quiet, slowing down, is one of the most difficult tasks facing most compulsive gamblers in their recovery.  Action has been a way of life for so long that I have to learn all over again to slow down and listen.  Beginning each day in prayer and meditation can be the most rewarding experience of my day.  When I choose to take that peace and serenity with me throughout the day, the world itself seems to slow down and move at my pace, rather than spinning so fast that I'm always running to catch up.

Will I cherish the glorious peace that comes through mediation?

Today I Pray - May my days begin slowly, in quietness, and remain peaceful, as I keep my focus on what is before me to do at the moment, instead of projecting a blur of unsettling activity.  As frenetic action was a symptom of my compulsion, serenity is a sign of my recovery.

Today I Will Remember - To allow serenity into my life.

Don't sweat the small stuff

August 11 - When I dwell on piddling things that annoy me - and they sprout resentments that grow bigger and bigger like weeds - I forget how I could be stretching my world and broadening my outlook.  For me, that's an ideal way to shrink troubles down to their real size.  When somebody or something is causing me trouble, I should try to see the incident in relation to the rest of my life - especially the part that's good and for which I should be grateful.

Am I willing to waste my life worrying about trifles that drain my spiritual energy?

Today I Pray - May God keep me form worrying unduly about small things.  May He, instead, open my eyes to the grandeur of His universe and the ceaseless wonders of His earth.  May He grant me the breadth of vision that can reduce any small, fretful concern of mine to the size of a fly on a cathedral window.

Today I Will Remember - Microscopic irritations can ruin my vision.

All injustices cannot be fixed

August 10 - We've been our own worst enemies most of our lives, and we've often injured ourselves seriously as a result of a "justified" resentment over a slight wrong.  Doubtless there are many causes for resentment in the world, most of them providing "justification."  But we can never begin to settle all the world's grievances or even arrange things so as to please everybody.  If we've been treated unjustly by others or simply by life itself, we can avoid compounding the difficulty by completely forgiving the persons involved and abandoning the destructive habit of reviewing our hurts and humiliations.

Can I believe that yesterday's hurt is today's understanding, rewoven into tomorrow's love?

Today I Pray - Whether I am unjustly treated or just think I am, may I try not to be a resentful person, stewing over past injuries.  Once I have identified the root emotion behind my resentment, may I be big enough to forgive the person involved and wise enough to forget the whole thing.

Today I Will Remember - Not all injustice can be fixed.

Set aside fear and resentments

August 9 - On numerous occasions, I've found that there's a strong connection between my fears and my resentments.  If I secretly fear that I'm inadequate, for example, I'll tend to resent deeply anybody whose actions or words expose my imagined inadequacy.  But it's usually too painful to admit that my own fears and doubts about myself are the cause of my resentments.  It's a lot easier to pin the blame on someone else's "bad behavior" or "selfish motives" - and use that as the justification for my resentments.

Do I realize that by resenting someone, I allow that person to live rent-free in my head?

Today I Pray - May God help me overcome my feelings of inadequacy.  May I know that when I consistently regard myself as a notch or two lower than the next person, I am not giving due credit to my Creator, who has given each of us a special and worthwhile blend of talents.  I am, in fact, grumbling about God's Divine Plan.  May I look behind my trash-pile of resentments for my own self-doubt.

Today I Will Remember - As I build myself up, I tear down my resentments.

Let go of the anger

August 8 - As a recovering compulsive gambler, I have to remind myself that no amount of social acceptance of resentments will take the poison out of them.  In a way, the problem of resentments is very much like the gambling problem.  A poker game or casino is never safe for me.  I've attended benefits for worthy causes, often in a convivial atmosphere that makes gambling seem almost harmless.

Just as I politely but adamantly decline gambling under any conditions, will I also refuse to accept resentments?

Today I Pray - When anger, hurt, fear, or guilt - to be socially acceptable - put on their polite, party manners, dress up as resentments, and come in the side door, may I not hobnob with them.  These emotions, disguised as they are, can be as full of trickery as gambling itself.

Today I Will Remember - Keep an eye on the side door.

Let go of the resentments

August 7 - What can we do about our resentments?  Experience has shown that the best thing to do is to write them down, listing people, institutions, or principles that are objects of our anger or resentment.  When I write down my resentments and then ask myself why I'm resentful, I've discovered that in most cases my self-esteem, my finances, my ambitions, or my personal relationships have been hurt or threatened.

Will I ever learn that the worst thing about my resentments is my endless rehearsal of my acts of retribution?

Today I Pray - May God help me find a way to get rid of my resentments.  May I give up the hours spent making up little play-lets, in which I star as the angry man or woman cleverly shouting down the person who has threatened me.  Since these dramas are never produced, may I instead list my resentful feelings and look at the whys behind each one.  May this be a way of shelving them.

Today I Will Remember - Resentments cause violence: resentments cause illness in nonviolent people.

Resentments are rubbish

August 6 - Sometimes through bitter experience and painful lessons, we learn in our fellowship with others in Gamblers Anonymous that resentment is our number one enemy.  It destroys more of us than anyone else.  From resentment stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we've been not only mentally and physically ill, but spiritually ill as well.  As we recover and as our spiritual illness is remedied, we become well physically and mentally.

Am I aware that few things are more bitter than to feel bitter?  Do I see that my venom is more poisonous to me than to my victim?

Today I Pray - I ask for help in removing the pile of resentments I have collected.  May I learn that resentments are play-actors, too; they may be fears - losing a job, a love, an opportunity; they may be hurts or guilty feelings.  May I know that God is my healer.  May I admit my need.

Today I Will Remember - Resentments are rubbish; haul them away.

Be good to yourself

August 5 - Among the important things we learn in Gamblers Anonymous is to be good to ourselves.  For so many of us though, this is a surprisingly difficult thing to do.  Some of us relish our suffering so much that we balloon each happening to enormous proportions in the reliving and telling.  Self-pitiers are drawn to martyrdom as if by a powerful magnet - until the joys of serenity and contentment come to them though the GA Program and Twelve Steps.

Am I gradually learning to be myself?

Today I Pray - May I learn to forgive myself.  I have asked - and received - forgiveness from God and from others, so why is it so hard to forgive myself?  Why do I still magnify my suffering?  Why do I go on licking my emotional wounds?  May I follow God's forgiving example, get on with the Program, and learn to be good to myself.

Today I Will Remember - Martyrdom; martyr dumb.

Count your Blessings

August 4 - One of the best ways to get out of the self-pity trap is to do some "instant bookkeeping."  For every entry of misery on the debit side of our ledger, we can surely find a blessing to mark on the credit side:  the health we enjoy, the illnesses we don't have, the friends who love us and who allow us to love them, a clean twenty-four hours, a good day's work.  If we only try, we can easily list a whole string of credits that will far outweigh the debit entries that bring about self-pity.

Is my emotional balance on the credit side today?

Today I Pray - May I learn to sort out my debits and credits, and add it all up.  May I list my several blessings on the credit side.  May my ledger show me, when all is totaled, a fat fund of good things to draw on.

Today I Will Remember - I have blessings in my savings.

Work the 12 Steps

August 3 - The Twelve Steps were designed specifically for people like us - as a short cut to God.  The Steps are very much like strong medicine that can heal us of the sickness of despair, frustration, and self-pity.  Yet we're sometimes unwilling to use the Steps.  Why?  Perhaps because we have a deep-down desire for martyrdom.  Consciously and intellectually, we think we want help on a gut level, though, some hidden sense of guilt makes us crave punishment more than relief from our ills.

Can I try to be cheerful when everything seems to be leading me to despair?  Do I realize that despair is very often a mask for self-pity?

Today I Pray - May I pull out the secret guild inside that makes me want to punish myself.  May I probe my despair and discover whether it is really an impostor - self-pity with a mask on.  Now that I know that the Twelve Steps can bring relief, may I please use them instead of wallowing in my discomforts.

Today I Will Remember - The Twelve Steps are God's Stairway.

Haha on the picture today!  It made me chuckle!

Compare yourself to the person from yesterday

August 2 - When I begin to compare my life with the lives of others, I've begun to move toward the edge of the murky swamp of self-pity.  On the other hand, if I feel that what I'm doing is right and good, I won't be so dependent on the admiration or approval of others.  Applause is well and good, but it's not essential to my inner contentment.  I'm in the Gamblers Anonymous Program to get rid of self-pity, not to increase its power to destroy me.

Am I learning how others have dealt with their problems, so I can apply these lessons to my own life?

Today I Pray - God, make me ever mindful of where I came from and the new goals I have been encouraged to set.  May I stop playing to an audience for their approval, since I am fully capable of admiring or applauding myself if I feel I have earned it.  Help me make myself attractive from the inside, so it will show through, rather than adorning the outside for effect.  I am tired of stage make-up and costumes, God; help me be myself.

Today I Will Remember - Has anyone seen ME?

Self pity is our worst enemy

August 1 - Self-pity is one of the most miserable and consuming defects I know.  Because of its interminable demands for attention and sympathy, my self-pity cuts off my communication with others, especially communication with my Higher Power.  When I look at it that way, I realize that self-pity limits my spiritual progress.  It's also a very real form of martyrdom, which is a luxury I simply can't afford.  The remedy, I've been taught, is to have a hard look at myself and a still harder one at the Gamblers Anonymous Program's Twelve Steps to Recovery.

Do I ask my Higher Power to relieve me of the bondage to self?

Today I Pray - May I know from observation that self-pitiers get almost no pity from anyone else.  Nobody - not even God - can fill their outsized demands for sympathy.  May I recognize my own unsavory feeling of self-pity when it creeps in to rob me of my serenity.  May God keep me wary of its sneakiness.

Today I Will Remember - My captor is my self.

Put your phone list to use

         Has is been a while since you called a member from your group?  Sure we think of each other often and of course we see each other usually once a week...but what about those other days?  Call someone from your phone list!  Even if it's just to say hi...

Call someone today!

Live in the Answer ~ not the Problem

July 31 - One of the most serious consequences of the me-me-me syndrome is that we lose touch with practically everyone around us - not to mention reality itself.  The essence of self-pity is total self-absorption, and it feeds on itself.  Rather than ignore such an emotional state - or deny that we're in it - we need to pull out of our self-absorption, stand back, and take a good honest look at ourselves.  Once we recognize self-pity for what it is, we can begin to do something about it.

Am I living in the problem rather than the answer?

Today I Pray - I pray that my preoccupation with self, which is wound up tight as a Maypole, may unwind itself and let its streamers fly again for others to catch and hold.  May the thin, familiar wail of me-me-me become a chorus of us-us-us, as we in the Fellowship pick apart our self-fullness and look at it together.

Today I Will Remember - Change me-me-me to us-us-us.

Avoid a long walk off a short pier

July 30 - When we first come to Gamblers Anonymous, the most common variety of self-pity begins:  "Poor me!  Why can't I just gamble now and then, like everybody else?  Why me?"  Such bemoaning, if allowed to persist, is a surefire invitation for a long walk off a short pier - right back to the mess we were in before we came to GA.  When we stick around this Program for a while, we discover that it's not just "me" at all; we become involved with people, from all walks of life, who are in exactly the same boat.

Am I losing interest in my comfortably familiar "pity pot"?

Today I Pray - When self-pity has me droopy and inert, may I look up, look around, and perk up.  Self-pity, God wills, vanishes in the light of other people's shared troubles.  May I always wish for friends honest enough to confront me if they see me digging my way back down into my old pity pit.

Today I Will Remember - Turn self- involvement into involvement.

Good attitude a must during recovery

July 29 - The feeling of self-pity, which we've all felt at one time or another, is one of the ugliest emotions we can experience.  We don't even relish the thought of admitting to others that we're awash in self-pity.  We hate being told that it shows; we quickly argue that we're feeling another emotion instead; we go so far as to hide - cleverly - from ourselves the fact that we're going through a siege of "poor-meism".  By the same token, in a split second we can easily find several dozen "valid" reasons for feeling sorry for ourselves.

Do I sometimes enjoy rubbing salt into my own wounds?

Today I Pray - May I recognize the emotions I am feeling for what they are.  If I am unable to point them out to myself, may I count on others who know what it's like to be a feelings-stuffer.  May I stay in touch with my feelings by staying in touch with my Higher Power and with the others in my group.

Today I Will Remember - Stay in touch.

Every Storm Runs Out of Rain

Heard this song tonight and it reminded me of gambling...

Meditate to clear you mind of Gambling ways

July 28 - We learn the value of meditation in the Gamblers Anonymous Program.  As the beginning of the Eleventh Step suggests, we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him.  One of the great values of meditation is that it clears the mind.  And as the mind becomes clearer, it becomes more capable and willing to acknowledge the truth.  Less pain is required to force honest recognition of defects and their results.  The real needs of the whole person are revealed.

Are prayer and meditation a regular part of my daily living?

Today I Pray - May God's truths be revealed to me through meditation and these small prayers, through contact with my group, which keeps me mindful of my need to clear my mind with daily meditation.  For only an uncluttered mind can receive God, and only a mind cleansed of self interest can acknowledge the truth.

Today I Will Remember - Meditation is a mind-cleanser.

Come to Meetings ~ Make Progress

July 27 - Over and over, I see that those who make the best and steadiest progress in the Gamblers Anonymous Program of Recovery are those who readily accept the help of a Higher Power.  Once they can do that, it's easier for them to get out of their own way.  Their problems then seem to resolve themselves in a way that is beyond human understanding.

Do I realize that the effectiveness with which I use the consciousness of God in my daily life depends non on Him, but on me?

Today I Pray - May I know that my recovery and growth depends on my being in touch with my Higher Power, not just once in a while, but always.  It means turning to that Power several times a day to ask for strength and knowledge of His will.  When I understand that my own life is part of a Higher Play, I will be less apt to trip and fall, head off in the wrong direction, or just to sit tight and let life pass me by.

Today I Will Remember - To be God-conscious. 

Worst Day now is better than my Best Day before

July 26 - Now that I avail myself of the letters H O W suggested by friends in the Gamblers Anonymous Program - Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness- I see things in a new light.  In ways that I couldn't have predicted and surely never expected, I've come to see things quite differently than I did before coming to GA.  I feel good most days.  I seldom feel bad, and never for long.  Certainly never as bad as I used to feel all of the time.

Is my worst day now infinitely better than my best day previously?

Today I Pray - May I remember today to say "thank you" to my Higher Power, to my friends in the group, and to the whole, vast Fellowship of recovering compulsion gamblers for making me know that things do get better.  I give thanks, too, for those verbal boosters, the tags and slogans which have so often burst into my brain at exactly the moments when they were needed, redefining my purpose, restoring my patience, reminding me of my God.

Today I Will Remember - How it was.

Gamblers Anonymous Slogans

July 25 - The slogans used in Gamblers Anonymous are seemingly clear and simple.  Yet they may still have different meanings for different people, according to their own experiences and reactions to the words and ideas.  Take, for example, the slogan "Let Go and Let God."  For some people, it may suggest that all we have to do is sidestep the challenges that confront us and, somehow, God will do all the work.  We must remember that God gives us free will, intelligence, and good senses - it is clearly His intention that we use these gifts.  If I'm receptive, God will make His will known to me step by step, but I must carry it out.

Do I sometimes act as if I surrender to God's will is a passport to inertia?

Today I Pray - May my "passport" be stamped and ready to take me forward.  May my travels be motivated by challenges I can readily recognize as things to do, not things to watch.  I pray that I may make the most of my gifts from God, of talents that I am aware of and some I have yet to discover.  May I not "let go and give up" but keep on learning, growing, doing, serving, praying, carrying out the will of God as I understand it.

Today I Will Remember - God meant me to make the most of myself. 

Renew Spirit NOT to Gamble

July 24 - How, exactly, can a person turn his or her own will and life over to the care of a Higher Power?  All that's needed is a beginning, no matter how small.  The minute we put the key of willingness in the lock, the latch springs open.  Then the door itself starts to open, perhaps ever so slightly; in time we find that we can always open it wider.  Self-will may slam the door shut again, and it often does.  But the door can always be reopened, time and time again if necessary, so long as we use our key of willingness.

Have I reaffirmed my decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him?

Today I Pray - May I renew my decision to turn my will and my life over to a Higher Power.  May my faith be staunch enough to keep me knowing that there is, indeed, a power greater than I am.  May I avail myself of that Power simply by being willing to walk humbly with my God.

Today I Will Remember - Self-will minus self equals will.

You must Set goals to Acheive goals

July 23 - Today I'll try to settle for less than I wish were possible, and be willing to not only accept it but to appreciate it.  Today, I'll not expect too much of anyone - especially myself.  I'll try to remember that contentment comes from gratefully accepting the good that comes to us, and not from being furious at life because it's not "better."

Do I realize the difference between resignation and realistic acceptance?

Today I Pray - May I not set my sights unrealistically high, expect too much.  May I look backwards long enough to see that my self-set, impossible goals were the trappings of my addiction; too often I ended up halfway there, confronted by my own failure.  Those "foiled-again" or "I've-failed-again" feelings became monumental excuses to give in to my gambling compulsion, which blanketed my miseries.  May I avoid that sick old pattern.  May I be realistic.

Today I Will Remember - Good is good enough. 

I am and know and will

July 22 - Gamblers Anonymous has taught me that the essence of all growth for me is a willingness to change for the better.  Following that, I must have further willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails, and to take courageously every action that is required.

"I am and know and will;
I am knowing and willing;
I know myself to be and to will;
I will to be and to know."

                                      -St. Augustine

Is willingness a key ingredient of my life and the way I work the GA Program?

Today I Pray - I pray for willingness to do what I can, willingness to be what I can be, and - what is sometimes hardest - willingness to be what I am.  I pray, too, for energies to carry out my willingness in all that I do, so that I may grow in the ways of God and practice the principles of the Program in all my affairs.

Today I Will Remember - "I am and know and will".

Dr. Seuss and St. Augustine...anything goes!

Have Faith in Gambling Addiction Recovery

July 21 - When we're faced with some condition or situation not to our liking, how can we have faith that all things are working together for good?  Perhaps we have to ask ourselves just what is faith.  Faith has its foundation in truth and love.  We can have faith, if we so choose, no matter what the situation.  And, if we so choose, we can expect ultimate good to come forth.

Have I made my choice?

Today I Pray - may I be grateful for my God-given ability to make a choice.  Out of this gratitude and my sense of the nearness of God, I have chosen faith.  May that faith, as my chosen way, become strong enough to move mountains, strong enough to keep me free of my compulsion to gamble, mighty enough to hold back the tide of temptations that threaten me, optimistic enough to look past my present pain to ultimate happiness.

Today I Will Remember - With faith, nothing is impossible.

Control what you can

July 20 - "It is the privilege of wisdom to listen," Oliver Wendell Holmes once wrote.  If I try as hard as I can to cultivate the art of listening - uncritically and without making premature judgements - chances are great that I'll progress more rapidly in my recovery.  If I try as hard as I can to listen to the feelings and thoughts expressed - rather than to the "speaker" - I may be blessed with an unexpectedly helpful idea.  The essential quality of good listening is humility, which reflects the fact that God's voice speaks to us even through the least and most inarticulate of His children.

Does my holier-than-thou attitude sometimes close my mind to the shared suggestions of others?

Today I Pray - May my Higher Power keep me from being "holier-than-thou" with anyone whose manner or language or opposite point of view or apparent lack of knowledge turns me off to what they are saying.  May I be listening always for the voice of God, which can be heard through the speech of any one of us.

Today I Will Remember - Hear the speech, not the speaker.

Discard the will to disbelieve

July 19 - Many of us come to the Gamblers Anonymous Program professing that we're agnostic or atheistic.  As someone once put it, our will is disbelieve is so strong that we prefer a date with the undertaker to an experimental and open-minded search for a Higher Power.  Fortunately for those of us with closed minds, the constructive forces in the GA Program almost always overcome our obstinacy.  Before long, we discover the bountiful world of faith and trust.  It was there all along, but we lacked the willingness and open-mindedness to accept it.

Does obstinacy still sometimes blind me to the power for good that resides in faith?

Today I Pray - I want to thank my Higher Power for this opportunity to open my mind; to learn again about faith and trust; to realize that my wanderings from honesty and reality did not change God's place within me or God's loving concern for me.  May I know that it was my own doing that I lost faith.  Thank God for another chance to believe.

Today I Will Remember - Discard the will to disbelieve.

Trust and honor the guidance you receive during recovery

July 18 - Very few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us.  That knowledge is in the hands of God.  This is a fact I must ultimately accept, in spite of my rebelliousness and stubborn resistance.  From this day forward, I'll limit my prayers to requests for guidance, an open mind to receive it, and the strength to act upon it.  To the best of my capability, I'll defer all decisions until my contact with my Higher Power has made it seemingly apparent that the decisions are right for me.

Do I "bargain" with my Higher Power, assuming that I know what's best for me?

Today I Pray - May I not try to make pacts with my Higher Power.  Instead, may I be a vessel, open to whatever inspiration God wishes to pour into me.  I pray that I will remember that God's decisions are better for me than my own fumbling plans, and that they will come to me at the times I need them.

Today I Will Remember - I will not bargain - or bet- with God.

Honesty bringsyour to the right friends at GA

July 17 - For my own good, I'll go to meetings and participate in discussion with an open mind that's ready to receive and accept new ideas.  For my own peace of mind and comfort, I'll determinedly try to apply those new ideas to my own life.  I'll remember that the Gamblers Anonymous Program offers me the instruction and support I can't find elsewhere.  I'll seek out others who understand my problems, and I'll accept their guidance in matters that cause me discomfort and confusion.

Will I try to be willing to listen - and to share?

Today I Pray - Thank you, God, for bringing the GA Program into my life, and with it a better understanding of Divine Power.  Help me to remember that attendance and attentiveness at meetings are all-important to continuing in this happily discovered way of life.  May I listen and share with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness.

Today I Will Remember - Here's HOW:  Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness.

Gamblers Anonymous can change your life!

July 16 - Long experience has proved that the Gamblers Anonymous Program and Twelve Steps will work for any person who approaches them with an open mind.  We have to remember that we can't expect miracles overnight; after all, it took years to create the situation in which we find ourselves today.  I'll try to be less hasty in drawing judgmental conclusions.  I'll hand on to the expectation that the GA Program can change my entire life as long as I give it a chance. 

Have I begun to realize that my ultimate contentment doesn't depend on having things work out my way?

Today I Pray - I pray for a more receptive attitude; for a little more patience, a little less haste, and more humility in my judgments.  May I always understand that change will come - it will all happen - if I will listen for God's will.  God grant me perseverance, for sometimes I must wait awhile for the Steps to take effect.

Today I Will Remember - Patience. 

Keep an open mind

July 15 - Faced with almost certain destruction by our addiction to gambling, we eventually had no choice but to become open-minded on spiritual matters.  In that sense, the multitude of ways we used to bet and wager were potent persuaders; they finally whipped us into a state of reasonable-ness.  We came to learn that when we stubbornly close the doors on our minds, we're locking out far more than we're locking in.

Do I immediately reject new ideas?  Or do I patiently strive to change my old ways of living?

Today I Pray - May I keep an open mind, especially on spiritual matters, remembering that "spiritual" is a bigger word than "religious." (I was born of the Spirit, but I was taught religion.)  May I remember that a locked mind is a symptom of my addiction and an open mind is essential to my recovery.

Today I Will Remember - If I lock more out than I lock in, what am I protecting?

Open mind will help you heal

July 14 - Conditioned as we are by our old ideas and old ways of living, it's understandable that we tend to resist certain suggestions made to us when we first come to the Gamblers Anonymous Program.  If that's the case, there's no need to reject such suggestions permanently; it's better, we've found, just temporarily to set them aside.  The point is, there's no hard-and-fast "right" way or "wrong" way.  Each of us uses what's best for him or her at a particular time, keeping an open mind about other kinds of help we may find valuable at another time.

Am I trying to remain open-minded?

Today I Pray - May I be enlightened about the real meaning of an open mind, aware that my one-time definition of "open-minded" as "broad-minded" doesn't seem to fit here.  May I constantly keep my mind open to the suggestions of the solid many who came into this program before me.  What has worked for them can work for me, no matter how far-fetched or how obvious it may be.

Today I Will Remember - Only an open mind can be healed.